Discovering Independence and Acceptance

I've always felt like it was fate that brought me to Shell Port Dickson. When I got that phone call, I just knew I had to take the offer despite having doubts about the office-based work (which seniors kept complaining was less adventurous than working hands-on in a plant, which later turns out to be a huge advantage for me).

Something was telling me, go for it. 

I've always been a big believer in Allah's rezeki for us and His plans. When I got SRCPD, I listened to my heart. And it beating peacefully was a good sign, I felt. It was different than when I different offers, my heart was racing and I was so scared, of something I don't think I will ever know. 

I was cautious the first day I came here. I doubted myself, I didn't know if I could live up to the previous trainee's performance, or even make the staffs remember me after I'm gone (which I don't think I will ever find out either). But one thing I did plan to do: try my best and prove that I am capable of whatever they throw my way. 

I've learnt something as I grew up into my 20's, the job is as exciting as you perceive it to be. If you think a job is mindless or a hassle, then that's what it will be. If you see the hikmah behind a job Allah has granted to you, then you believe that you're meant to learn at least something from it. 

I've been here for 5 weeks and a half, and I realise slowly I am discovering 2 things in Shell PD:

1. Independent working 

You're on your own. But that doesn't mean you can't ask around for tips and hints to help you. People here are more than willing to point the way, but they won't go with you. That strength to go into uncharted areas (like Operations & Finance Department) must be discovered deep within, extracted, and manifested into courage. 

2. Gaining acceptance

I honestly feel so overwhelmed and flattered by this. I came here as a trainee, no more no less. I know people will ask me to do mindless (again it's all about how you perceive it) jobs and I'm just here to learn and gain knowledge. I didn't expect to be respected, given projects with complete full trust , nor even feel like a part of the family.

But that's exactly what I got. 

And I am truly humbled and grateful by the experience. People keep believing in me to complete a task, no one smirks if I find difficulty finishing it and almost everyone here is friendly. 

No one tells me being a workaholic is bad, no one tells me I shouldn't do my work early and ahead of schedule and no one tells me to stop being such a nerd. 

I realize that all these years in college organizing my work, group-based lab reports, assignments, & projects and dutifully attending lectures & tutorials were 'training' prior to entering the working world. And work requires a lot of perseverance, effort and independence. 

College wasn't where I gained sleepless nights of experience partying or celebrating (though a couple of nights a year, I allow myself to celebrate close friends' birthdays). Heck, college wasn't even where I found that many friends, but just enough to find true ones. Instead college was where I got the discipline to prepare for work life. There, I learnt independence. Those endless years alone studying and the traumatic lack of social interaction were God's plans for something bigger in store. And not in any way I've ever expected. It rewarded me with a work life that appreciates my talents and capabilities, and most of all: accept me for who I truly am.

And I'll keep on working hard to continue adding value to whatever work I'm entrusted on, no matter how small. Reaching the top is no small feat. But each small step counts. 

Allah truly has laid out His plans so beautifully for us. But I know this is only the beginning to an amazing chapter. I know I shouldn't expect the same thing after I graduated. And I know that there will be more challenges to overcome in the future. 

And with that, I leave you with a beautiful prayer I read online:

"Oh God, I do not ask for you to ease my burden, but I ask you to grant me strength to face and overcome any burden come my way...."

LRCC at night, when I did my Operations Shift last week.